Here's the universal and fundamental million-dollar question: To be or not to be ….. married! That is not the only question. Well, that's what makes life exciting.
First, follow me backstage to meet the main characters:
Rahul Seth, the unfortunate soul whose job is to fulfill his dad's dying wish
Mommy Ji, Rahul's widowed mother (and my new favorite drama queen!)
Grandma Ji, who quotes Shakespeare better than any sutras
Kimberly, Rahul's star-crossed lover
Twinky, Rahul's sister
Sue, the mysterious and stunningly beautiful woman
There are other important characters, but they are busy at this time.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, please put your cell phones on vibrate, put out your cigarettes, and take your crying babies to another room. [Curtain rises]
“Remember, Rahul, sacrifice is the brightest torch of Indian family values.” At his deathbed, Baba Ji makes poor ten-year-old Rahul promise to take care of the Seth family. As if he were knighted by the last breath of his father, Rahul carries out his duty courageously and faithfully. Fast-forward to the present time: Rahul and his family live richly -- perhaps happily, too -- in Toronto. One day, he brings his fiancée Kimberly to meet his family. This lovely pop singer tries very hard to please Rahul’s mommy and granny, hoping to be accepted. Well, she is almost perfect; her only fault is that she is white.
Fortunately or unfortunately, she dies in a freaky one-of-a-kind accident. As a consequence, Rahul gets a second chance to find the love of his life… only this time, he has to meet Indian girls arranged by his mother to make her happy. (Thanks to Mama Ji, I am finally able to grasp the profound sentiment - "Cry me a river.") Racing toward a more important deadline than that of many great scientists and engineers of India, Rahul is expected to get married before his sister Twinky's scheduled wedding. Time is running out. Our hero has to take matters into his own hands: either he finds himself a wife in a flash of lightning, or else! He runs into a drop-dead gorgeous woman who looks Spanish and could pass as Indian. She is mysterious and she can be "whoever you want me to be." Wow! Isn't that every man's dream? No sooner than you can put your palms together and say namaste (no hand-shaking), he has transformed her into the sweetest Indian girl, who is well-received by the entire family. Then come her darkest secret and his worst nightmare, and a lot of twists and turns, singing and dancing, etc., etc. [Curtain call.] (Watch the trailer on IMDb here.)
Do they get married and live happily ever after? Sorry, I will not tell you with a mouse, I will not tell you in a house. I will not tell you here or there, I will not tell you anywhere.
Although Bollywood Hollywood is a comedy, it reminds me of a not-so-funny story which inspired me to write about this movie. I know of a high school girl who had to drop out in the middle of the school year and return to her home country to get married. The girl had never met her husband-to-be. It was an arranged marriage. I had to use extra Q-tips to make sure that my ears were getting the news straight. Hello -- it was the turning of the 21st Century! And the girl grew up in the United States! She was practically dragged out of her familiar social world and sent to marry someone her parents obviously approved of. I am not judging her parents: it just sounded so ancient and remote to me. Aren't we supposed to be happy and to celebrate when someone is getting married? One of the most important festivals in any culture is the wedding ceremony. Some cultures also have very distinctive ways to mark such a milestone for the bride and groom. What if the marriage is against their wills? Do they just surrender to their "fate" and lament in private while the rest of the world celebrates? Our parents work so hard and try every way they can think of to make us happy. Ironically, their loving and caring ways sometimes cause us agony. It would be even worse if we unknowingly inherited some of their undesirable qualities and went on to make our beloved offspring suffer! Most of us have heard that 50 percent of marriages in the U. S. end in divorce, and a quick internet search says that 8.8 years is the average length of an American marriage. In olden days, people got married by the arrangements of their parents. Whether they stayed unhappily together or happily not-together, most of them stayed married till death do them part. Is it better off that parents find another family whose social status matches theirs? Is it a good idea that the man and woman never meet before they get married so they don't have many expectations of each other and are able to truly embrace their differences? I really don’t know. All I know is that the war between men and women has been going on probably since Homo sapiens first learned to communicate by language. If I knew what ensured a happy marriage, I could solve one of the world's most important domestic issues and possibly win a Nobel Peace Prize!
However, our ancestors’ pre-digital matchmaking idea, in my opinion, has given birth to a magnificent enterprise on an international scale. You got it – computer matching. Some online matching program boasts an average of over 400 members getting married every day in the US as a result of being matched on the site. So, if you are game for online dating, you know whom you have to thank. (If you are too shy to ask publicly about this website in the discussion board forum, send a confidential letter to Dear Chong-Hwey.)
I hope you check out the DVD if you have not seen the movie. You may also want to check out Mehta's Elements trilogy – Fire, Earth, and Water. Lisa Ray (who stars in Bollywood Hollywood) also stars in Water. At any rate, feel free to comment on the blog or lead the discussion in any direction.
Chong-Hwey
Photo Credits: Ning Zulauf, Scott Cheng
My grandparents’ marriage was arranged by their parents and they didn’t meet each other until their wedding day in the middle of WWar II, in 1938. That year, my grandpa was only 16 and grandma was 18. Almost right after they got married, my grandpa joined army and wasn’t around for 8 years. What’s amazed me was they honored their marriage even though they barely know each other and not because of religious. I was half-raised by my grandparents, and know they have very different personalities. They disagreed and argued in lots things, but they always found a way to work things out. I never heard the word “divorce” came out from their mouth. For me, I feel divorce is one of the adult healthy decisions. People make mistakes, (ideally,) you learn from your lesson and move on. It’s an exit for physical and mental health, because some people are just not the best for each other. Maybe my grandparents are old fashion, but I admire how they resolve issues together rather than look for the “outlet”.
ReplyDeleteMy own marriage was established by online dating, if it’s “arranged”, then it was done by me and my husband. We have been happily marriage over 5 years. I think it’s a great way to find a person like myself, at least our core values, through the “filter”, and I got to decide if I want to go out for a date when. It’s a great way for people who are busy and/or shy to meet others, it gave people the opportunity to be prepared for the in person meeting. Also, chat without being looked in the eyes and know each other’s personality first and being judged relatively less by appearance.
Yes, getting married is tricky, more important, it’s just the beginning of different phase of life. No matter how well you know the person before the marriage, it will be different. Because people evolve based on our environment changes and additional responsibilities, it’s inevitable and we need to learn how to cope the issues as a team rather than you and I.
I prefer two people meet each other and fall in love but I also believe that traditional arranged marriage has its own advantages.
ReplyDeleteNowadays people take marriages like a child’s play.
ReplyDeleteI have not watched this movie yet but I prefer my movie with a happy ending. So, would you tell me with a mouse, would you tell me in a house? Would you tell me here or there, would you tell you anywhere?? Please…..
ReplyDeleteRegardless which method, both are opportunities for you to gain experience.
ReplyDeleteCan someone tell me how to contact "Dear Chong-Hwey"?
ReplyDeleteToo bad you can not choose both methods and gain experience, or can you?
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments. If you would like to contact "Dear Chong-Hwey", please feel free to email Ning Zulauf at nczulauf@gmail.com, she is happy to forward your comments or suggestions to Chong-Hwey. If you have any other thoughts about the blog in general, even become a volunteer writer ( wink! wink!), please contact us at uiaaan2010@gmail.com.
ReplyDeleteRegards,
UIAAAN Team
In my parents’ point of views, arranged marriage will last longer because it’s like brewing wines, it will get better as time goes by. I suppose the environment and conditions have to be right too, otherwise you will get vinegar instead.
ReplyDeleteI've read the similar topics before and started questioning myself about arranged marry. For arranged marry, people tend to think more about family as a whole instead of just themselves. It's harder to divorce and say goodbye for an arranged marry sometimes because it will break the relationships within two families which may related to some business issues for their partnerships .
ReplyDeleteIf you get married before 20, can you choose your wife or husband wisely? Arranged marriage has its raison d'etre. There are exceptions where tragedies happen, of course, but on the whole, parents try their best to find you a good match, and they are certainly more experienced than kids under 20 --- LK
ReplyDeleteThe first part of this article is so dramatically built! Loved n njoyed the way suspense is built up!!
ReplyDeleteAs for marriage- agree what some of the above said- any marriage or any relationship wil thrive if based on Self-Love and Self improvent, not merely by expecting the other' or outer' condition.
Deepening Myself Deepens my relations... I guess so
There are many aspects of a married life that can be affected by the environment. So many people say their feelings are quite different once they are married. The main issues lie in their personal "core values" and their attitudes when dealing with issues as they encounter.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind an arranged marriage. If it is not as good as we expected, we can reject it and there is no excuse to regret. However, the essences of a married life are "love" and "responsibility". We take them as granted at times not realizing our "core values" and "attitudes" may have changed over time.